The New Rudder

Oh hi. Yeah, juuust a little bit of a time gap since my last post. 

I imagine most folks reading this already know why, but just in case -- or for posterity, should this be found by an interested literary agent or a production assistant doing background for a biopic on my life or a post-apocalyptic historian looking for records from The Before Times -- here's what happened: I was moving right along with the second draft of my second manuscript when my fiancee started having health problems. Then those problems became more serious. Then they became "cancer here, there and everywhere and after a second, third and fourth opinion no one knows what kind of cancer this is" serious.

We moved up the wedding date and married over the summer. Needless to say, I put the manuscript and this blog on hold to focus on her treatment. She fought so hard and never gave up, but unfortunately the cancer had other ideas and she passed in November.

I was a mess, no surprise there. And I hadn't written a single word since then.

What is a writer who doesn't write? I'd been asking myself that a lot lately, and haven't been thrilled with the answers. The other weekend someone asked me what I do. I opened my mouth to respond and absolutely nothing came out. What do I do? Tend to the kids, churn through the day job, lose myself in video games and YouTube videos and cocktails and, what? Bide my time til my number is up? That's too rudderless an existence, and too bleak.

I need to start writing again. I want to start writing again, but writing what? The idea of returning to my second manuscript -- which was already a fairly heavy examination on the stages of grief -- was (and remains) ridiculous. No, I needed something simple. Something comforting. 

And then it came to me. So while I'm going to shutter up the House of Nolahn for now, you all can join me at my new rudder.

Return from Quarantine

You would think I would have taken advantage of the COVID-19 pandemic to get a ton of writing done. I would have thought that, too.

No dice! I’ve somehow been busier than ever. I’ve spent the time on copious Zoom calls, cleaning obsessively, hanging out with my daughters, devising new and interesting ways to keep said daughters – teenagers who undoubtedly would rather be hanging out with their friends than Dear Old Dad – from going mad, and staring judgmentally out the window at all the folks refusing to wear masks or social distance.

I may not have handled the whole global pandemic thing particularly well.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve started to get my act back together. I’ve dialed into some writing seminars, began retooling my first manuscript, and have even thrown my hat into one contest and am gearing up for a second. It took a while – okay, far too long – but I’m ready to get back at it.

 

More to come.

 

 

I Suck (an Update)

Bleh!

You already know how this is going to go: Oh, where have I been? So busy, running around, not writing, blah blah excuse salad.

(Though I could cut myself some slack since I did plan a whole haulin' surprise get-away for my Special Lady Friend and now we're engaged. She is my Future Wife!)

So let's skip right past that part, because summer's over, Shakespeare, and I've written bupkis since my last update. That ain't going to cut it if I'd like to complete a draft of Book #2 in my lifetime. Time to roll up my sleeves and do... well, anything.

Fortunately, I had not one but two realizations over the past 12 hours:


#1: I don't need a ton of time.

I've had it in my head for a while now that I need a solid hour in order to really get rolling with my writing. As a result, there have been many, many times where I look at the clock and say "Oh, I only have half an hour before [blank], so there's no point in trying to get any writing done."

Why? Where did that idea come from? Sure, I won't finish a section in under an hour and I may not want to stop once I get into a groove, but that doesn't mean it's not worth even starting if I only have 30-40 minutes. Because even if I only get a couple paragraphs under my belt in that sliver of time, I'm still that much closer to a finished draft.

I am a jackass.


#2: I should have fun with this.

Yeah, here we go, finally to the core of why I think I've been having such a hard time staying motivated with Book #2: I'm not having fun with it.

I've come close to realizing this in the past, and I suppose the lack of fun is understandable since the kernel of Book #2's story came from the death of a friend. But still. Certainly my friend wouldn't want me to force myself through such a glum and dreary exercise. Hell no! He was fun, and I should be having fun with this, too.

I'm having some fun now. I've just knocked out another section of Book #2 which, inexplicably, was inspired by YouTube remixes of fights from Dance Moms.

Did I ever think that was a thing I would write? No, not at all. But there I was, laughing my nuts off over-exaggerated Dance Mom sassatude like it was the second coming of Monty Python, and then I sat down and cranked out almost a thousand words. Go figure.


So, what I have learned from all this? Watch more Dance Moms Time to challenge myself!

Starting today, I'm taking on the My 500 Words challenge. No, don't worry, I won't be challenging any of you with anything. This is a self-imposed challenge for me to write at least 500 words every day for the next 31 days. And if I can do that, I think that would qualify for the "well, anything" I was thinking I needed to do at the top of this post.

The rules:

• Writing for Book #2 counts 
• Blogging counts
• Writing emails does not count
• Editing doesn't count, nor does tinkering with query letters
• I don't have to try and make up for lost days (and there will be a couple near the end of the 31 days)
• Or course, I can write more than 500 words

That last rule is handy, because I'm already at 1292 words and it's only Day 1. Maybe I don't suck after all?

Trying to Pick It Up

This happens every few months: I get caught up with other things, I have a particularly busy string of days, I get focused on mundane real world stuff, and my writing goes by the wayside.

The bright side is that this wasn’t brought on by anything bad. No tragedy, no illness, nothing like that. In fact, things are good: It’s a year full of significant birthdays and anniversaries! I’m volunteering for a local event! I’m remodeling my living room! I’m working out more than I ever did in the past 20 years! All good things, as you can tell from the extra helping of exclamation points.

But it’s come at a price, and that price has been time spent on my writing. Not just writing for this blog, but my pursuit of an agent and on my second manuscript. Needless to say, I'm crapping the bed when it comes to my resolutions.

I wonder if some economist – like a Freakanomics-type of economist – has ever done anything regarding time. After all, time is a finite commodity and therefore has value. Time spent cleaning up your finances is time not spent cleaning your bathroom. Time spent tending to a garden is time not spent tending to relationships. There are only so many hours in a day and we all do the best we can, but lately that has meant dropping the ball on my writing. And if I’m being really honest, I’ve been having a very hard time picking it back up.

Which probably explains the stream-of-consciousness nature of this post.

I wish I could tell you why. Sure, it sucks that I’ve received almost complete radio silence from my query letters so far, but that’s hardly a reason to give up. And it’s true that our writers group hasn’t met in a while – we’re all in between or just beginning projects so we haven’t had anything to read. So while it’s isn’t on them to motivate me to keep writing, I could use the kick in the pants.

Maybe it’s the subject of my second book (and yes, I know I’ve said almost nothing about it here), which deals with the death of a friend. Just because the story is fiction doesn’t mean it’s not coming from a very real place, and I’ve found that writing it is painful. 

Lately, when I do sit down to write, half the time I just… freeze up. It’s just come to me what it’s like: There’s a small moment in The Avengers that I've always liked, right before the big Battle in New York when everyone is at their lowest point, and I wish I could find it floating around but I can’t. Thor has just narrowly escaped that Hulk-proof cage that crashed to earth. He goes over to pick up his hammer, but he hesitates. It’s a wordless moment of doubt, of whether he can pick up that weight again – whether he wants to pick it back up. 

This isn't that scene, but you get the idea.

 

That’s what sitting down to write has felt like lately. It's not so much writer's block as motivation, and I’m not quite sure of how to fix it.

But I do have an idea: Starting about two years ago, on the side and only as I think of them, I’ve been writing short pieces on various moments of my life. Not all of them are significant moments – at least, not the traditional sense – but the kind of moments that turn into recurring stories told at parties and whatnot. The thought was that when all together it’d look something like an episodic autobiography. 

So, for a bit anyway, I’m going to focus on those with the hope that switching gears will help me get my groove back. Tune in next time for “When You Wish Upon Some Cards.”

2019 Resolutions for the House of Nolahn

I’ve been in a slump, writing-wise. Oh, I have excuses galore: The day job was crazy busy! The holidays were crazy busy! We were gearing up for the series finale of our long-running podcast! Yeah, yeah, yeah, all true, but all obscuring the unavoidable fact that I’ve been stuck in neutral.  

So what better day to look forward and set some goal than New Year’s Day? Boy howdy, I’m glad I arbitrarily picked Tuesdays to run posts…

1. GET MY QUERY LETTER SORTED OUT

Even though I’ve only sent out to five agents, I have a sneaky suspicion that the query letter for my novel isn’t up to snuff. Fortunately, there are folks out there who can help with that sort of thing. It’s my first time querying, so I don’t see the point of being too proud to have someone give it a look-over. Once that’s done, I’ll feel much better about going full-throttle with the querying.

2. ATTEND A WRITING CONFERENCE OR LITERARY EVENT

It’ll do me a lot of good to get out of my little corner of the world and do some socializin’. I happen to live about four hours from a number of major metropolitan areas, so I should be able to work this out…

3. COMPLETE THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY NEXT NOVEL

This is the biggie. I have a strong concept, I have a good grasp of the characters and the flow of the plot… but something has been holding me back. I have a few ideas in mind to break through my hesitation (hey, that sounds like a good blog post topic!), but once I do, I’d love to have hammered out an initial draft by this time next year.

4. BE BETTER TO MY BLOG

A cop-out? Sure, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to spruce this place up.

Hope you have a Happy New Year!